what evs...

I have been so rutted lately. I dont even know what is wrong with me. I was sick last weekend, Now that the weather is getting teasingly nice I am getting anxious about golfing this year. I would love to break 100, but I know thats not going to happen. I was on a pretty good routine with the Wii fit thing but getting sick has stopped that, plus my job is so weird now I dont want to get out of bed early to get ready so I can be all like super employee and cheerful and crap, thats not how Im feeling lately.

On a great note though, Stacy and I started talking about wedding stuff the other day. We have a simple idea but it seems in order to make everyone happy we will need to incorporate a lot of planning and notices and things that get us both bogged out and then just don't want to deal...but at least we started talking about, the whole buy a house plan just ain't gonna work out at this point. We have no savings and we will not be able to sell the condo without some major investment/ improvements. We are talking about January 2010...well see if that gets pushed back some though.

I have been so into this rut that everything that I enjoy is getting really muddied up. I just don't have the energy to get motivated..I have tons of plans, things I would like to get started on, but I just get so overwhelmed, it feels heavy. I feel heavy.

I feel that Stacy's new job is already starting to consume her, and that makes me anxious. she works 8+ hours out of the house and come home exhausted, then sit in front of her computer for work charting from the day, and getting ready for the next day, then she goes to bed exhausted...and this goes on all week. I love that she is into her job and I love that she wants to do a good job and impress everyone and do good for her patients but I feel like home is the place where we should be able to turn off and reset our selves. The weekends just don't offer that much time, between running to target for the umpteenth time or trying to catch up on house work (laundry dishes, laundry) we barely have time to take Oscar to the park or god forbid go play golf together...

I got some work done on my ongoing tattoo, it was supposed to be finished but It doesnt feel that way to me. I have had this idea for so long that it started out looking pretty great and there were some things that made the tattoo look better than my original idea, i thought. But now it seems unfinished like someone started a cool drawing and got alot of the colors done then just missed large sections and left areas to vague and open. I was hopeing it would be bold and bright and it feels dull and too busy there isnt the definition I had hoped for, I have to explain what alot of the images are....I love everything he has done up till recently but the last session just felt very rushed and the results look that way to me.


Maybe its just the spring fever, or the getting over being sick, or the realization that I am getting older everyday and that we cannot change the ways we have set upon ourselves.